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英语笑话
  • 智力缺陷
    "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied, "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "Well, what sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' " Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
    “医生,你能不能告诉我,”鲍勃问,“对于一个看上去很正常的人,你是怎样判断出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再没有比这容易的了,”医生回答,“问他一个简单的问题,简单到所有人都知道答案,如果他回答得不干脆,那你就知道是怎么回事了。”“那要问什么样的问题呢?”“嗯,你可以这样问,‘库克船长环球旅行了三次,但是在其中一次的途中他去世了,是哪一次呢?’”鲍勃想了一会儿,紧张的回答道,“你就不能问另外一个问题吗?坦率地说,我对历史了解的不是很多。”
  • Easy or Not
    Pulling alongside our drive-up bank window, a woman was not happy with her position. So she backed up and pulled closer. Still not satisfied, she backed away and tried again. After five attempts, she finally parked the car and rolled down her window. I greeted her with a simple "Good morning".  
    "Good morning," she replied cheerfully. "I'm going to have to use this drive-up all the time. It's so easy!"
    一位妇女把车沿着我们银行的驱车直达窗口开过来,可她并不满意于她停的位置。因此她倒车,靠得更近点。还是不满意,倒车,再来。五次努力后,终于她把车停下来,摇下车窗。我简单地问候她一声“早上好”。   
    “早上好,”她愉快地回答说,“以后我都要使用这种驱车直达窗口。真是如此的方便。”
  • 除了音乐
    A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocs and ices. Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, "Have you enjoyed yourself today?"
    "Oh, yes, miss!" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is."
    一位热心的年轻教师想让她的学生多了解一点优秀的古典音乐,就安排了一天下午去听音乐会。为了使这次活动能给大家留下更深的印象,她请大家喝柠檬汽水、吃点心、巧克力和冰淇淋。在大家回来上汽车的时候,她问小萨莉:“你今天玩得好吗?”
    “噢,好极了,小姐,” 萨莉说,“除了音乐其它都很好。”
  • 新生儿
    The New Baby Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child. Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much,so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too. One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.“This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes,”said Mr.Taylor. Pat came into the room just then and said,“What are you talking about?”“We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now,because the new baby's coming,”his mother answered. “ It's no use,”said Pat hopelessly.“ He'll follow us there.”
    泰勒夫妇有一个七岁的男孩,名叫帕特。现在泰勒太太正怀着第二胎。 帕特在别人家看见过婴儿,他不太喜欢他们,所以他对自己家里也将有一个婴儿的消息感到不满。 一天晚上,泰勒夫妇正在为这个婴儿的降生计划做安排。泰勒先生说:“有了婴儿,我们的房子就太小,不够住了。” 帕特恰好在这个时候走进屋,他问:“你们在说什么?”他的母亲回答说:“我们在说我们现在得搬家,因为婴儿就要诞生了。” “那没用,”帕特绝望地说。“他会跟我们到那儿去的。”
  • 假如我是一个经理
    One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – If I Am a Manager.All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.I am waiting for my secretary, was the boy’s answer.
    一天课上,老师要同学们以如果我是一个经理为题写一篇作文。所有的学生都在动笔写了,只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。我在等我的秘书。那孩子答道。
  • Goldfish 金鱼
    Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
    斯丹:我赢了 92 条金鱼。
    Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
    弗雷德:你想在哪儿养它们?
    Stan: In the bathroom.
    斯丹:浴室。
    Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
    弗雷德:但是你想洗澡时怎么办?
    Stan: Blindfold(蒙眼睛) them!
    斯丹:蒙住它们的眼睛!
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