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英语笑话
  • 合理的忧伤
    On his deathbed poor Lubin lies; His spouse is in despair; With frequent sobs and mutual cries; They both express their care. “A different cause,”says Parson Sly, “The same effect may give: Poor Lubin fears that he may die ; His wife,that he may live”.
    马修·普赖厄 可怜的鲁宾躺在他的病床里; 他的妻子陷入绝望; 频频啜泣,相对哭啼, 他们都表达着忧伤。 “不同原因,”滑头牧师说, “可产生同样结果: 可怜的鲁宾怕他会死; 他老婆,怕他会活。”
  • Keep the Change不用找了
    One sweltering day, I was scooping ice cream into cones and told my four children they could "buy" a cone from me for a hug. Almost immediately, the kids lined up to make their purchases. The three youngest each gave me a quick hug, grabbed their cones and raced back outside. But when my teen-age son at the end of the line finally got his turn to "buy" his ice cream, he gave me two hugs. "Keep the changes," he said with a smile.
    
    有一天天气闷热,我将冰淇淋舀进锥筒,告诉我的四个小孩,他们可以从我这里用拥抱“购买”一筒。于是,孩子们马上排起了队来购买。较小的三个孩子每人很快的抱了我一下,抓过冰淇淋筒就跑到外面去了。最后轮到排在队尾十岁的大儿子来“买”冰淇淋时,他拥抱了我二下。“不用找了,”他笑着说。
  • 在天堂结婚
    A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died. Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer. Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven. The young lady then asks St. Peter, “If things just don't work out can we get a divorce?" St. Peter looks at her and replies, " Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?!!"
    一对年轻的夫妇在去结婚的路上出了车祸,双双死去了。于是,他们来到了圣徒彼得面前,妻子问是否她还可以和丈夫结婚,圣徒彼得告诉他们,关于这个问题他一有了结果就会回来找他们。差不多30天以后,圣徒彼得回来了,并且告诉他们可以在天堂结婚。妻子又问:“如果生活的不愉快,我们可不可以离婚呢?”圣徒彼得看着她,回答说:“夫人,我花了30天才找到个传教士,难道你真的希望我再去找个律师吗?”
  • He is really somebody他真是一个大人物
    My uncle has 1000 men under him.
    He is really somebody. What does he do?
    A maintenance man in a cemetery.
    我叔叔下面有1000个人。
    他真是一个大人物。干什么的?
    墓地守墓人。
  • An Exceptional Phenomenon(罕见)
    4-year-old Begin and his cousin scrambled (攀爬,争抢) for toys. His mum told him: “ You are older brother because you’re older than your (cousin) sister. You should give ground to her. ” Begin thought a little but maintained(坚持) : “ My sister must give ground to me when she grows older than I.” His uncle around overheard and said : “Such a thing hardly occurs.”
    四岁的贝京和小妹妹争玩具。妈妈对他说:“你大,你是哥哥,要让着小妹妹点儿。” 贝京想了想,坚持说:“等妹妹长得比我大了,她也得让着我。”姨夫在一旁听了说:“这种情况相当罕见。
  • Good news or Bad news?
    An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.
    "I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.
    "Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.
    "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
    "That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"
    With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."以为艺术家在一个画廊办了个展览,他问店主是否有人对他参展的画感兴趣。
    “我有一个好消息和一个坏消息。”店主回答。
    “先告诉我好消息。”画家要求道。
    “好消息是一位绅士询问了你的作品,还问它是否会在你死后增。我告诉他会的,然后他买下了你所有的15幅画作。”
    “那太棒了!”画家惊叹。“那么什么会是坏消息呢?”
    店主想了想之后说:“问那个问题的是你的医生”。
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