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英语笑话
  • 智力缺陷
    "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied, "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "Well, what sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' " Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
    “医生,你能不能告诉我,”鲍勃问,“对于一个看上去很正常的人,你是怎样判断出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再没有比这容易的了,”医生回答,“问他一个简单的问题,简单到所有人都知道答案,如果他回答得不干脆,那你就知道是怎么回事了。”“那要问什么样的问题呢?”“嗯,你可以这样问,‘库克船长环球旅行了三次,但是在其中一次的途中他去世了,是哪一次呢?’”鲍勃想了一会儿,紧张的回答道,“你就不能问另外一个问题吗?坦率地说,我对历史了解的不是很多。”
  • 机长的录音
    This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew... I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it to waving at you. That's me, the copilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recording.
    这是你们机长的声音。请允许我代表全体工作人员,欢迎你们乘坐英国航空公司602号航班从纽约飞往伦敦。我们此时在大西洋上空35,000英尺的高度。如果你从飞机的右边向窗外看去,你将会发现右侧的两个引擎都已经起火。如果你从左边往外看,你就会看到那边的机翼已经脱落了。如果你俯视下面的大西洋,那么你会看到一艘黄色的救生筏,上面有三个人正在朝你挥手。那是我、副驾驶员还有我们的一名女乘务员。这是一段录音。
  • 超速的司机A Speeding Motorist
    A highway patrol officer stopped a speeding motorist. "Don't you know what the blinking lights and siren mean?" he demanded.  
    "Yes, sir," replied the driver.   
    "Then why didn't you pull over immediately?"   
    "I would have, officer, " the man said. "But last month my wife ran off with a policeman, and I was afraid you were bringing her back.
    一位公路巡警截住了一个超速司机。“难道你不知道闪烁灯和警笛的意思吗?”他责问道。   
    “知道,长官,”司机回答说。
    “那你为什么不立即靠边停车?”   
    “我本来想这样做的,长官。”那男子回答说,“但上个月我妻子和一位警察私奔了,我是害怕你把她带回来。”
  • The blonde and the farmer
    There was a blonde that was so sick of blonde jokes she died her hair red. The jokes stopped and she felt so good, she took a ride in the country one Saturday afternoon. While on this ride, she noticed a flock of sheep and stopped the car to take&n......。
    一个金发女郎,是那么恶心的黄色笑话她把头发染成红色。笑话停了下来,她觉得很好,她在农村的一个搭车的星期六下午。而在这旅程,她注意到一群羊,停下车来把......。
  • 圣诞老人的爱好
    What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?
    Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.
    圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么?
    答案:锄地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意,ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。)
  • 轻率的插话
    The fine-furniture store where I work has been in business since the 1920s. Recently I received a call from a woman who wanted to replace some chairs from a dining set purchased from us in the 1930s. I assured her we could help and sought the assistance of the office manager. "You'll never believe this one, " I told him." I just got a call from a customer who bought some chairs from us in the 1930s. " Before I could finish repeating her request, he interrupted and said, "Don't tell me she hasn't received them yet!"
    我所工作的精品家具商店是从20世纪二十年代以来就营业的。最近我接到一个妇女的电话。她想换一套餐具中的一些椅子。这套餐具她是在三十年代从我们这儿买的。我向她保证说我们可以帮她的忙,于是我向部门经理寻求帮助。“你永远也不会相信,”我对他说,“我刚接到一个顾客的电话,她在三十年代从我们这里买了一些椅子。” 我还没来得及说她的要求,经理就打断了我的话:“你别告诉我她到现在还没收到货!”
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