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英语笑话
  • 有两条裤子
    A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”
      丈夫下班回到家里,发现自己的新娘心绪烦乱。“我心里太难受了,”她说。“我在给你熨西装时把裤子的臀部烧了个大洞。”
      “Forget it ,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”
      “没事儿,”丈夫安慰她说。“你忘了我这套衣服有两条裤子。”
      “Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”
      “是的,”妻子高兴地说,“幸亏你还有一条,我后来就用它来补了这个洞了。”
  • How to Become Rich 如何致富
    Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.
    弟弟:我看见你亲我姐姐了,如果你不给我五分钱,我就告诉我爸。姐姐的男朋友:不要那样做。给你五分钱。弟弟:我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。
  • I'm Glad 我很高兴
    A sunday-school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "now, children," she said, "has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?"
    "please, teacher," said a small boy, "i've make someone glad yesterday."
    well done. who was that!"
    "my granny."
    "good boy. now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."
    "please, teacher, i went to see her yesterday, ad stayed with her three hours. then i said to her, 'granny, i'm going home.' and she said, 'well, i'm glad'!"
    一个主日学校的教师正在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。“听着,孩子们,”她说,“你们当中有谁曾让别人高兴过吗?”
    “我,教师,”一个小男孩说,“昨天我就使别人高兴过。”
    “做得好,是谁呢?”
    “我奶奶。”
    “好孩子。现在告诉我们,你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的?”
    “是这样的,教师。昨天我去看她,在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我对她说:‘奶奶,我要回家了。’她说:‘啊,我很高兴。’”
  • Now I have two skunks in there
    "We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?"
    "Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open."
    Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher.
    "No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there!"
    “我们的地下室里有一只臭鼬,”打电话的人对警察调度员尖叫道。“我们怎样才能把它弄出来?”
    “弄一些面包屑,”调度员说;“从地下室往外铺一条小道直到后院。然后将地下室的门打开。”
    一段时间后,那人又打电话打了回来。“你们将它弄出来了吗?”调度员问他。
    “没有,”打电话的人答道,“现在那儿有两只臭鼬了。”
  • 我还以为那是我的手
    Absent-minded Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet! Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket? Absent-minded Professor: Yes, but I thought it was mine. 教授:天哪!有人偷了我的钱包! 妻子:你难道没感觉到一只手伸进你的口袋? 教授:感觉到了,可我还以为那是我的手呢?
  • the formula for water
    An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?""Sure. That's easy," said one man."What is it?""H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.""What, what?" reasked the instructor."H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
    生化战争课的老师在课堂上问士兵们:“谁知道水的分子式?”“当然,太简单了。”一个士兵回答道。“是什么?”“H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.”“什么,什么?”老师又问道。“H to O,”化学专家解释道。
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