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英语笑话
  • 救出哪幅画?
    A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
    The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
    一份报纸组织了一场竞赛,为下面的问题征集最佳答案:“如果卢浮宫起了火,而你只能救出一幅画,你将救出哪一幅?”
    获奖的答案是:“最接近门口的那一幅。”
  • You May Select可以选择
    The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same dish.  
    One day, the husband got home and asked his wife, "My dear, what will we eat today?" 
    The wife said, "You may select the dish today."   
    The husband was very glad and asked, "Which dishes are there today?"   
    "Cabbage."   
    "The others?"   
    "None."   
    "Then how to select?"   
    "Eat or not eat!" the wife said.
    丈夫抱怨妻子总是做同样的一种菜。   
    一天,丈夫回到家,问妻子:“亲爱的,今天我们吃啥菜?”   
    妻子回答:“今天你可以选择。” 丈夫感到非常高兴,又问:“都有哪些菜呢?”   
    “炒白菜。”   
    “还有呢?”   
    “没了。”   
    “那你要我怎么选呢?”   
    “吃还是不吃!”妻子一本正经地说道。
  • 喂狗 For the Dog
    The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.
    "My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"
      "Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"
      一家人在饭馆里吃过晚饭,父亲把服务生叫了过来。
      ”先生,什么事?“服务生问。
      ”我儿子的盘子里剩下许多肉,“父亲说,”能给我们一个袋子吗?我把剩下的东西带回去喂狗。“
      ”啊呀,爸爸!“儿子激动地叫喊着。”咱家养狗了吗?“
  • 年长者阶层
    During the doctor's periodic visit to my elderly mother, I told him that Mother would be celebrating her 98th birthday in few days. Delighted by the news, he bent down and gave her a kiss for the occasion. He then announced that he, too, would be celebrating a birthday in few days and asked for a kiss in return.When he left, my mother shook her head in disgust. "Can you imagine, " she said. "Seventy dollars and I had to kiss him too!医生按期来探视我的老母。我告诉他母亲不几天就要庆祝她98岁的生日了。医生听了也很高兴,为此,他弯下腰来亲了她一下。然后他说不几天他也要庆祝自己的生日,并要求她还他一个吻。医生走后,我母亲厌恶地摇摇头。“你能想象吗,”她说,“付了他70元,我还得亲他!”
    
  • 哪有人能弯腰弯那么低的
    Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. or, should I say, his lack of it.One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"
    我们的餐厅经理是一位深受大家爱戴,和蔼而又快乐的人。但在他面前有一件事不能提--他的身高。或者,我应该说,他是有点矮!一天,经理怒气冲冲地撞门而入,高声说,“有人拿了我的钱包!”
    我和其她大部女招待都没敢吱声,但有人却蹦出一句话:“哪有人能弯腰弯那么低的啊”!
  • 勇敢的猪的下场
    I lived in DC when I was young, and dad used to take us on weekend trips south into the Carolina, so that we could see what "real life" was like. He’d just drive along the road for a while, and then pull over at some farm and start talking to the people there.
    Dad was chatting up a farmer’s wife once,when I discovered this pig...
    It was a nice pig. But it only had three legs. The right back leg was wooden! Well, I was as curious as could be, so I asked the farmer:"Excuse me, sir. Why does your pig have a wooden leg?"
    "Well, boy. That is a courageous pig. The wife and me were asleep in the house one night, when that pig came running in and woke us up. The whole place was ablaze. We just got out alive."
    "And the pig got its leg burned up in the fire?"
    "Nope. Pig got out just fine. Matter of fact, he even went back in and saved the kids."
    "Then why does the pig have a wooden leg?"
    "I told you, boy. That is a BRAVE pig! A heroic pig! That pig saved our lives!"
    "Yes, sir. But why does he have a wooden leg!"
    "Boy, a pig like that, you don’t eat all in one sitting!"
    我小的时候生活在华盛顿。到了周末,爸爸常常带我们到南部的卡罗莱纳州去玩。正是在那里我们看到了什么是“真正的生活”。爸爸会沿路开一会儿车,然后把车停在路边,找农场里的人聊聊天。
    正当爸爸和一个农妇聊天时,我发现了这只猪……
    那只猪很漂亮,可只有三条腿,右后腿还是用木头做的!我对这点很好奇。于是就问那个农民:“先生,为什么你的猪有一只木头腿啊?”
    “是这样的,孩子。这是一只勇敢的猪。有天晚上,我和妻子正在房里睡觉时,这只猪跑进来叫醒了我们,我们才知道房子着火了。我们立刻跑了出去,才保住了性命。”
    “这只猪的腿是在那场火灾中烧坏的吗?”
    “不是的,它完好无损地跑了出去。实际上,它甚至还跑了回去,把我们的孩子也救了出来。”
    “那为何这只猪会有一只木头腿呢?”
    “我已经告诉你了,孩子。那是只勇敢的猪!一只英勇的猪!它救了我们全家人的性命!”
    “是的,先生。可是为何它有只木头腿呢?”
    “孩子,像这样的猪,我们是不舍得一次就把它吃光的!”
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