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英语笑话
  • 我不敢想象
    Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?" Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from." 客人:“为什么你的狗狗坐在那儿老是看着我吃东西呢?”旅馆主人:“我不敢想象,除非是因为你拿了它经常用来吃东西的盘子了。”
  • Who Discovered Australia?谁发现了澳大利亚?
    Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me, Johnny.
    Johnny: It's there, sir.
    Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia?
    Sammy: Johnny, sir.
    老师:约翰尼,在地图上给我找出澳大利亚在什么地方。
    约翰尼:先生,在这儿。
    老师:对了。萨默,你来回答我是谁发现了澳大利亚?
    萨默:先生,是约翰尼。
  • 快速靠岸
    A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday." A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location." "I-75, two miles south of Standish." After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"
    在休伦湖钓完鱼后,我的一个朋友开车拖着他的船回家。路上车坏了。 他没带手机,不过,他想,也许他可以通过海事无线广播来请求公路援助。 于是,他爬到他的船里面,启动了无线装置,喊道,“求救,求救”。一名海岸护卫队警官作出了回应,“报告你的位置”。“I-75号公路,Standish的南面两英里”。沉默了好一会之后,警官问我的朋友,“你的船靠岸时开得有多快?”
  • Does He Bite 它咬人吗
    Reggie: We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him?
    Ron: Well, I don't know---does he bite?
    Reggie: That's what I want to find out.
    里基:我们又得到了一条新狗,你愿意过来和他玩一会吗?
    罗恩:嗯,我不知道----它咬人吗?
    里基:这正是我想要查明的。
  • Good Boy好孩子
    Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" 
    "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. 
    "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" 
    "She is the one who sells the candy." 
    好孩子 
    小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 
    “昨天给你的钱干什么了?” 
    “我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?” 
    “她是个卖糖果的。”
  • 玫瑰
    On the way home one night, I spotted some fresh-cut roses outside a florist's shop. After selecting a dozen and entering the shop, I was greeted by a young saleswoman.
    Are these for your wife, sir? she asked.
    Yes, I said.
    For her birthday? she asked.
    No, I replied.
    For your anniversary?
    No, I said again.
    As I pocketed my change and headed toward the door, the young woman called out, I hope she forgives you.
    一天晚上回家的路上,我看到一家花店外面有一些刚剪下来的玫瑰。我挑了一打,走进店里,一个年轻的女售货员跟我打了个招呼。
    先生,这些是送给你妻子的吗?她问道。
    是的,我说。
    她的生日?她问。
    不是,我回答。
    你们的结婚纪念日?
    不是,我又答道。
    当我将找回的钱装进口袋,朝门口走去时,那年轻的女人冲我喊道:希望她能原谅你。
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