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英语笑话
  • 我们分享一切
    An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries.
    一对老夫妇在汉堡王餐厅吃饭,他们小心翼翼地将汉堡和薯条分成两份。
    A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.
    一个卡车司机非常同情他们,就提议想给老太太单独点一份。
    "It's all right," says the husband. "We share everything."
    “没关系的。”老先生说,“我们分享一切。”
    A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite.
    几分钟后,卡车司机注意到老太太还没动口吃一点东西。
    "I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal," he insists.
    他再次对老先生说,“我真的不介意请您妻子吃一顿……”
    "She'll eat," the husband assures him. "We share everything."
    “她会吃的,”老先生向他保证,“我们分享一切。”
    Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, "Why aren't you eating?"
    司机不太相信,恳求老太太,“你为什么不吃一点?”
    The wife snaps, "Because I'm waiting for the teeth!"
    老太太咂咂嘴,“我在等他的假牙。”
  • 两块蛋糕
    Two Pieces of Cake
    Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?
    Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!
    
    两块蛋糕
    汤姆:妈妈,我可以吃两块蛋糕吗?
    妈妈:当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧!
  • Two hunters两个猎人
    Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?" 
    两个猎人进森林里打猎,其中一个猎人不慎跌倒,两眼翻白,似已停止呼吸。
    另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说:“第一步,要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是,接线员在电话里听到一声枪响,然后听到那猎人接着问:“第二步怎办?”
  • A Gentle Reminder委婉提醒
    Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, "Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?"  
    Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, "So, you want to switch seats?"
    婚后已久,我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上需要委婉的提醒。在我们结婚35周年纪念的早上,我们正坐在早餐桌旁,我暗示道:“亲爱的,你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了吗?”   
    他放下报纸,眼睛直直地望着我:“因此,你想交换座位吗?”
  • 我干得怎么样 How did I do
    A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.
     The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner, people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner...NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.
      Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," chuckled the veteran policemen, "especially since this is a bus stop!"
      一名新警察与老警察开着警车第一次出去巡逻。 他们得到命令去疏散一群闲逛的人,于是他们开车去了那条街,看到路口站着一群人。
     新警察摇下窗户:“大家注意了,快离开这里。”人们看了他几眼,没理他。他喊起来:“离开这里,马上离开!”大家都不知道怎么回事,但是在他的威胁下还是离开了。
     新警察对他第一次执行公务的结果很满意,对老警察说:“我干得怎么样?”“你做得很好,”老警察笑着说,“尤其是在公共汽车站。”
  • Now We Run 现在我们跑吧
    A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"
    一个牧师正沿着街走路,这时他看到街对面有个小男孩正试图按一所房子的门铃。但这个小孩太小了,门铃又高,他够不着。看到那个小男孩费了很多劲,牧师走近了他。牧师优雅地穿过马路,走到小家伙的背后,轻轻地把手放在小男孩肩头,按响了门铃。他弯下身子,微笑着问道:“接下来怎么办,孩子?”小男孩回答说:“接下来我们跑。”
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