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英语笑话
  • Reminder催单
    In the veterinary office where I'm a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual rabies shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten days. "Oh yes, in fact that's why we're here," she replied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of our reminder.
    "We did," she explained. "Bruno bit the mail carrier who was delivering your card."
    
    我是一家兽医站的技师。当动物到了该注射疫苗的时候,我们就寄出催单。一条德国物质牧羊犬布鲁诺来做每年一次的狂犬疫苗注射。我们依照州法律的要求询问他的主人,在过去的十天里布鲁诺是否咬了什么人。“噢,是的。事实上这正是我们到这儿来的原因,”她回答说。我觉得奇怪,告诉她我们以为他们是因为收到了我们的催单才来的。
    “的确如此,”她解释道。“布鲁诺咬了给你们送催单的邮递员。”
  • 不是我的错
    It's not my fault
    Mother (reprimanding训斥,谴责 her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.
    Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.
    不是我的错
    妈妈(正教训她的女儿):你不该拽猫的尾巴。
    女儿:妈,我只是握着猫尾巴,它自己在拽。
  • 婚礼上有长官在
    A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street. "But officer," the man said, "I can explain.""Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back.""But ,officer, I ….""I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back.""Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm the groom."
    大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。“但是警官”这个人说道,“我可以解释的”。“保持安静”,警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱,直到长官回来。“但是,警察,我……”。“我说过了保持安静,你要到监狱了。”几小时后,警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好,因为我们的长官正在他女儿的婚礼上。他将带着一个愉快的心情回来的。”“你确定”在牢房里的这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。
  • 最希望得到的签名
    Our university newspaper runs a weekly question feature. Recently, the question was: "Whose autograph would you most want to have, and why?" As expected, most responses mentioned music or sports stars, or politicians. The best response came from a freshman, who said, "The person who signs my diploma."
    我们大学的校报开办了一个每周一问的专栏。上周的问题是:“你最想要什么人的签名?为什么?”和预计的一样,大部分的回答都是歌星、体育明星或者政治家。但是,最优秀的答案来自一个一年级新生,他说:“在我毕业证上签字的那个人。”
  • A Man Who Said No 说不的男子
    A friend of mine noticed a man staggering about in the Times Square subway station. A well-dressed Wall Street type, his coat was unbuttoned, a briefcase dangled from his hand and he'd obviously had one too many.  
    Asked if he was all right, the man gave a slurred but affirmative response. However, my friend simply could not see someone brave the rough maw of a New York subway without trying to help. He followed the chap, and again asked, "Are you sure you're all right? What subway are you looking for? Do you need help getting home?"   
    At last, the object of his attentions snarled, in a low voice, "Leave me alone! I'm an undercover cop!"
    我的一位朋友看到一个男子在时代广场的地铁车站摇摇晃晃地走。那个人穿着时髦,敞着怀,一个手提箱在他的手里悬吊着,很明显他是多喝了一杯。
    我朋友问他怎么样,那男子含糊而肯定地回答说没问题。然而我朋友就是不能眼看着有人在纽约地铁独入是非之地而置之不顾。他跟在那家伙的后面,又一次问道:“你肯定你没事?你在找哪个地铁站?你需要帮忙回家吗?”
    他所注意的对象终于忍耐不住了,对他低声咆哮道:“你给我走开!我是便衣警察!”
  • Intelligent son 聪明的儿子
    One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.  
    After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?" 
    "Certainly"
    "You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
    "I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."  
    "Then why you didn't take it back?"   
    "I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
    有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。
    儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”
    “我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”
    “我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”
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