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英语笑话
  • Who's More Polite? 谁更有礼貌?
    A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down. 
    一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌,因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度,因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时,总有两位女士能坐下。
  • 合理的忧伤
    On his deathbed poor Lubin lies; His spouse is in despair; With frequent sobs and mutual cries; They both express their care. “A different cause,”says Parson Sly, “The same effect may give: Poor Lubin fears that he may die ; His wife,that he may live”.
    马修·普赖厄 可怜的鲁宾躺在他的病床里; 他的妻子陷入绝望; 频频啜泣,相对哭啼, 他们都表达着忧伤。 “不同原因,”滑头牧师说, “可产生同样结果: 可怜的鲁宾怕他会死; 他老婆,怕他会活。”
  • Only One Instance
    Mr. Henry Beecher entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it contained the single word ″Fool″. Quietly and with becoming seriousness he announced to the congregation the fact in these words:
    ″I have known many an instance(实例) of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter.″
    一个星期天,亨利·比切先生到普利茅斯的教堂去,在那里有他的几封信。他打开其中一封,发现信中只写着“傻瓜”两个字。
    他平静而认真地把这件事告诉教友们:“写信时忘了签名的人,我遇到过很多,但只签了名却忘了写信的人,我还是头一次遇到。”
  • 谁是第一个男人?Who was the first Man?
    A teacher said to her class:  
    "Who was the first man?""George Washington," a little boy shouted promptly. "How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?"asked the teacher, smiling indulgently. "Because, " said the little boy, "he was first in war, first in peace,and first in the hearts of his countrymen."But at this point a larger boy held up his hand."Well," said the teacher to him, "who do you think was the first man?""I don't know what his name was," said the larger boy, "but I know it wasn't George Washington, ma'am,because the history book says George Washington married a widow,so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him."
    有个老师问班上的学生:“谁是第一个男人?” “乔治·华盛顿,”一个小男孩当即叫道。 “你怎么知道乔治·华盛顿是第一个男人呢?”老师问道,宽容地微笑着。 小男孩说:“因为他是战时第一,和时第一,国人心中第一。” 这时一个大点儿的男孩举起手来。 “那么,”老师对他说,“你认为谁是第一个男人呢?” “我不知道他的名字,”大点儿的男孩说,“但我知道不是乔治·华盛顿,老师。因为历史书上说,乔治·华盛顿取了一个寡妇,所以在他前面肯定还有一个男人。”
  • Coins in American Currency 美国的硬币
    There are 100 cents in a dollar. Coins come in the following denominations: $.01 or 1 cent (a penny,a cent, one cent), $.05 or 5 cents (a nickel, five cents),$.1 or 10 cents (a dime, ten cents), $.25 or 25 cents(a quarter, two bits, twenty-five cents), and $.50 or50 cents (a fifty-cent piece).
    Coins are called "change", "small change", or"silver" though they aren’t made of silver anymore.
    Coins are generally recognized by their size, butsomebody "goofed" on the dime, which is smaller than either a nickel or a penny. All the others are in size order.
    One more word for you: don’t hold out your hand with either bills or coins and expect someone to take the correct change from you. That cannot be done in any Western country.一美元中有一百美分。硬币是按下列币值铸造的:一美分,五美分,十美分,二十五美分,五十美分。
    硬币也叫"零钱","小钱",或"银币",虽然它们不再是用银子铸成的。总的说来,硬币是通过大小来识别的,但总有人把十美分搞错,它比五美分和一美分都要小。其他的都按币值的大小顺序排列。
    还有一点要说明:你不能伸出手,托出一把纸币和硬币而希望别人从你那里拿走数目正确的零钱。这在任何西方国家都是不好的。
  • 写给上帝的信
    A little boy needed $50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $50. When the post office received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the president. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those turkeys kept $45 in taxes.
    有个小男孩非常需要50美元,他为此祷告了数周但是什么也没发生。后来,他决定写封信向上帝索要这50美元。邮局接到这封信,想了想觉得还是应该交给总统比较好。总统被逗笑了,于是指示秘书寄给小男孩5美元,因为他觉得5美元对于一个小孩来讲已经是不少了。小男孩收到了钱很高兴,给上帝回了一封感谢信,信里写道:尊敬的上帝,非常感谢你把钱寄给我。然而,我发现这些钱是通过白宫寄出的,因此,和往常一样,那帮家伙收了我45美元的税。
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