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英语笑话
  • I didn't know that I was so far back already
    A big battle was going on during the First World War.Guns were firing, and shells and bullets were flying about everywhere.After an hour of this, one of the soldiers decidedthat the fighting was getting too dangerous for him, so he leftthe front line and began to go away from the battle. After hehad walked for an hour,he saw an officer coming towardshim. The officer stopped him and said,“ where are you going?” “I'm trying to get as far away as possible from the battlethat's going on behind us, sir,” the soldier answered. “Do you know who I am?” the officer said to him angrily.“I'm your commanding officer.” The soldier was very surprised when he heard this and said,“My God,I didn't know that I was so far back already!”
    第一次世界大战期间,一场大战役正在进行。枪炮轰鸣,炮弹和子弹到处乱飞。这样过了一个小时后,一个士兵认定战斗对他来说变得太危险了,所以他离开前线开始逃离战场。步行了一个小时之后,他看见一个军官向他走过来。那军官叫住他说:“你要到哪儿去?” “长官,我正尽可能远地躲开我们身后正在进行的战役,”士兵回答说。 “你知道我是谁吗?”军官生气地对他说:“我是你的指挥官。” 那士兵听到此话感到非常惊讶,说:“天哪,我想不到我已经往回跑了这么远了!”
  • 一个有效的方法
    A Useful Way
    Father: Jack, why do you drink so much water?
    Jack: I have just had an apple, Dad.
    Father: What"s that got to do with it?
    Jack: I forgot to wash the apple.
    爸爸:杰克,你干嘛喝这么多水呀?
    杰克:我刚才吃了个苹果,爸爸。
    爸爸:可是这跟喝水有什么关系呢?
    杰克:我忘了洗苹果呀。
  • 最希望得到的签名
    Our university newspaper runs a weekly question feature. Recently, the question was: "Whose autograph would you most want to have, and why?" As expected, most responses mentioned music or sports stars, or politicians. The best response came from a freshman, who said, "The person who signs my diploma."
    我们大学的校报开办了一个每周一问的专栏。上周的问题是:“你最想要什么人的签名?为什么?”和预计的一样,大部分的回答都是歌星、体育明星或者政治家。但是,最优秀的答案来自一个一年级新生,他说:“在我毕业证上签字的那个人。”
  • 班级、情人和蠢驴
    Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: "Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow." A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the "c" in the word "class." The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the "c" erased--calmly walked up and erased the "l" in "lass", looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.
    汤姆教授打算第二天与他的学生见面,因此他在黑板上写道:“汤姆教授明天将和大家见面”。一位学生看到这条通知后,觉得展示自己幽默感的机会来了,就走上前,将“class”中的“c”擦掉,教授听到笑声,转过身走回来,看了看那位学生,又看看被改动过的通知,不动声色地走上前,把“lass” 中的“l”擦掉,看了看那位目瞪口呆的学生,教授扬长而去。
  • 年长者阶层
    During the doctor's periodic visit to my elderly mother, I told him that Mother would be celebrating her 98th birthday in few days. Delighted by the news, he bent down and gave her a kiss for the occasion. He then announced that he, too, would be celebrating a birthday in few days and asked for a kiss in return.When he left, my mother shook her head in disgust. "Can you imagine, " she said. "Seventy dollars and I had to kiss him too!医生按期来探视我的老母。我告诉他母亲不几天就要庆祝她98岁的生日了。医生听了也很高兴,为此,他弯下腰来亲了她一下。然后他说不几天他也要庆祝自己的生日,并要求她还他一个吻。医生走后,我母亲厌恶地摇摇头。“你能想象吗,”她说,“付了他70元,我还得亲他!”
    
  • Now I have two skunks in there
    "We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?"
    "Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open."
    Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher.
    "No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there!"
    “我们的地下室里有一只臭鼬,”打电话的人对警察调度员尖叫道。“我们怎样才能把它弄出来?”
    “弄一些面包屑,”调度员说;“从地下室往外铺一条小道直到后院。然后将地下室的门打开。”
    一段时间后,那人又打电话打了回来。“你们将它弄出来了吗?”调度员问他。
    “没有,”打电话的人答道,“现在那儿有两只臭鼬了。”
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